Humorous Quotes By Tommy Cooper | Life Quotes | Quotes | Techfunky.com

I went to a fortune teller. She looked at my hands and said: “Your future looks pretty black.”
I said: “I’ve still got my gloves on.”
– Tommy Cooper

A man goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him that he has three minutes to live. The man
says, “Doc, what can you give me?” The doctor says, “A hard-boiled egg.”
– Tommy Cooper

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
– Tommy Cooper

Last night, I dreamt I was eating a 10lb marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow had gone.
– Tommy Cooper

In Las Vegas, they gamble everywhere. I went into a drug store for an aspirin and the girl
behind the counter said: “I’ll toss you, double or nothing.” I lost. I came out with two
headaches.
– Tommy Cooper

I said to my wife, “I can’t eat this beef stew.” She said, “Shut up! It’s custard pie!”
– Tommy Cooper

I saw a sign on a Scottish golf course once. It said: “Members will please refrain from picking
up lost balls until they have stopped rolling!”
– Tommy Cooper

I went to the doctor the other day. I said, “Have you got anything for wind?” So he gave me
a kite.
– Tommy Cooper

One year I got a bike for my birthday. So I went peddling off down the road and knocked an
old lady down. “Can’t you ring your bell?” she said. “I can ring my bell,” I said. “But I can’t ride
my bike.”
– Tommy Cooper

Gambling has really brought our family together. We had to move to a smaller house.
– Tommy Cooper

My wife wanted to go to the ballet. I said: “I’m not going to sit and watch a lot of people on
their toes in long underwear.” She said: “You don’t have to. Wear your tuxedo.”
– Tommy Cooper

Two cannibals were eating a clown. One said to the other: “Does he taste funny to you?”
– Tommy Cooper

 

This Article is Posted on 08 Apr 2015 in Informative Section and Quotes